sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
