We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
