Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
