you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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