Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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