i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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