How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
