Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
