using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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