just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
