Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
