so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
