Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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