yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
