dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
