i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
