watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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