just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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