Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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