I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
