we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
