So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
