ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
