it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
