I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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