my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
