bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
