Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
