Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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