Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
