I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
