Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
