I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
