did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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