I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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