I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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