If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just had sex on a roof
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
