Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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