Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
