And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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