I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
