am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
