The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
