I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
