I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
