Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
