its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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