Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
