Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
