I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
