Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
