don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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